Angry With God, Yet?
Someone once asked me, "Do you think God wants good for you?" I answered with silence.
I deep-heartedly believe that I am over 30 and single because apparently it's not my time to be anything else. There's a great deal of peace in knowing that if I am meant to be something besides what I am now, my life will line up to match that fate.
To be in a different place in my life is to have made different choices, held different beliefs, chosen a different set of friends, or been raised in a different part of the country with different cultural norms. But as it turned out, my life unfolded as it did.
Knowing that I'm not meant to be anything else except for what I am at this moment is as peaceful as it is occasionally frustrating because it prompts the most natural next question, "When will it be my time to be something different?" When. That's the killer. The unknown.
The passing of time--year after year--partnered with the unknown, stress-tests your patience with God's timing and at some point, you just get pissed. At this point, there's really nothing left. Peace or pissed. Pick one.
This stress-test will try your faith in, your understanding of, and your trust in God. It can render you silent when someone asks if you think God wants good for you.
We're talking about God here, the creator of the galaxy. He created the universe and everything in it. The daily mechanics of earth alone makes up an infinite number of miracles from seedlings transforming into colorful blossoms to the moon lifting up entire oceans. If He can do that, surely He can arrange for you to bump into your future spouse at the grocery store. But He hasn't. Not for you. Not yet. And if that makes you angry with God, it's ok. He can handle it.
Healthy relationships are made of honesty and transparency, so it's ok to say out loud to God how you feel. Even if what you're saying is that you feel let down or ignored by Him. He can handle it. And really, you can't mask your feelings from Him anyways so you may as well lay it out in the open.
Our upbringing may have been filled with stories of great people who endured disappointment without complaint, sending a clear message to us that suffering in silence was something to aspire to. In a way, this message makes God appear less capable than He is, as if He doesn't have the time, skill, or interest to process your grievances. He can handle your sincerity and His grace stands firm even in the presence of your anger. He is not offended by your speaking from the heart.
BE HONEST with Him and tell him how you feel. Do not feel obligated to go to bed trying not to be angry. Give yourself time to feel what you feel. Clear it out. This could take hours, days, or months. Your relationship with God is not in jeopardy.
GIVE THANKS. Whether or not we feel it all the time, being single is an extraordinary season in life. Nonetheless, there's always a reason to be discontented no matter your relationship status. So your real challenge isn't getting married, it's choosing happiness where you are. By the way, it's normal to be angry about one thing while being thankful for a multitude of things.
CHOOSE HOPE. You may not be able to see the horizon, but hope that it'll appear. Hope every single day. If you perceive it as difficult, then treat it like your job until it gets easier.
Suppressed anger is destructive, so trust that everything will be ok when you admit to God that you're not happy with Him. Your heart lightens and your relationship with God deepens.
Photo credit: A Moment To Remember via CC Flickr